Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
