life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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