I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
