her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
