ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
