your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
