the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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