are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
