If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
