smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
