He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
