He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
