Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's rum buckets o'clock
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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