i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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