Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
