can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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