lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
