oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
