He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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