Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
