the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
