Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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