speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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