just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
