doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Someone signed my nipple.
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