Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
