if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
