Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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