Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
