I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dick has a subreddit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize