I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
