just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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