I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
