sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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