if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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