You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
