Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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