my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm passing your future prison.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
