he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
