dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
