youre lurking in front of me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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