i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
