I think i peed on brittanys purse
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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