I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
