I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
