i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize