Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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