capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
