i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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