pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
