why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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