You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
