you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
