I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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