If i come over, it means nothing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
