Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
