I think my fart just growled at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
