$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize