guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
