I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
