News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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