just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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