please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
