Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just high enough for therapy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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