He uses pillows to masturbate.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
