This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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