i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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