A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
