I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
