What did we do last night that was yellow?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
