i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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