he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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