I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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