don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
