Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
