Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
