I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
