I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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