Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
