HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
