No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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