You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
