So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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