Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
