Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Screwed.edu
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
