I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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