The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
