omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
