since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
