Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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