Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
