You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I want a musical about memes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
