Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
