y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
