I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
