Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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