So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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