And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
