Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
