You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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