Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
