moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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