I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
