So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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