he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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