thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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