shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
