It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize